For every good there is twice as many bad!

For every good there is twice as many bad…. Things in my life that is!!!!! Really! Trying to figure out what I ever did in life to deserve even half the shit I go thru! Damn life is hard! Damn life is difficult! But then again damn life can be good! It doesn’t make any bit of sence. 

I know I feel better when I blog. Getting things out to myself yet I just plane don’t have the time most of the time. I don’t have the time to breath most of the time and I continue to add to my plate… I just can’t help myself. Plus I think if I’m busy even how stressful that is for  me I don’t have time to sit and dwell on the other crap going on. Because then I just breakdown. But I’m tired! Mentally, physically and emotionally tired!! 

June and July has been crazy! Haven’t felt like I’ve even been home longer than two days let alone two hours. I somehow need to find a balance before its to late! To late for what I don’t know but to late. 

-I really wanna try and stay up on pictures on Facebook. I take a lot of pics. That’s never going to change. I don’t want to miss anything. Time goes by so fast. And we do bring to boys to a lot of places. I don’t want to to grow up just remembering going to doctors all the time I want them to remember the adventures. 

-I really do feel better when I blog. So I do wanna try to stay up on these as well. Just hate being negative. And need time. I never have enough time. I always say I need more hours in the day and an extra day a week. But that still wouldn’t be enough time. There just never will be enough time. 

We keep Cooper busy. He’s such a good kid. We are lucky. We let him do a lot because we don’t want him to feel like he didn’t get to do anything because of his brother because of William. And if he’s busy he’s less likely to get into trouble… Like I said about the going places and pictures I don’t want Coop thinking all we did was take William to Doctors. He plays football, takes acting, in movies, we have to take him back and forth to LA for acting and modeling. And it’s all what he wants!! We don’t push him. We encourage him. Yes it adds sooo much but 1000% worth everything to see him happy. 

William is going thru so much and I feel worthless. I feel I’m at stuck between a rock and a hard place half the time. Back and forth to Stanford all the time!!! Test after test. Medications after medications. Brain surgery after brain surgery. And all I can do is watch with my fingers crossed! He weighs more than I do. During a seizure I have to just be there and pray he doesn’t hurt himself to bad because that’s all I can do. He isnt potty trained. Yep my 14yr old who weights more than I do isn’t AT ALL potty trained. I’ll leave that there. Behavior is something else because he doesn’t understand. 14yrs but only maybe 2-3yrs. Autistic, epilepsy, brain tumor yet soo sweet and loving. I love him with everything I am. Wish I could do everything for him!

All I want is for my boys to be happy and health and to have everything their hearts desire. I WILL do anything I can to make that happen. 

Me being sick has been sucky but put on the back burner. Don’t have time to deal with myself! I just don’t!

Taking care of my mom has been an added… An added I don’t even know what to say. It’s hard. She’s my mother! No matter what she’s my mother and I just have to be there no matter what. I just have so much going on 

I wanna scream and cry!!!!!!

I know for a fact I’d be locked up in a looney bin somewhere if it wasn’t for Billy. The most amazing husband I could ever ask for. My rock. He truly calms me. I say how lucky I am to have him. But my boys are truly the lucky ones to have this amazing man as a father. A man to look up to and to strive to be like! 

In the beginning of this I put:

Damn life is hard but Damn life is good! 

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